Just Can't Let Go Read online

  “For real?” Aw, shit. The only other woman who had given me complete access to her without my asking was Dev.

  Ebony nodded, then rolled over. “Lock the door.”

  Before I left, I told her, “I love you.”

  “I love you, too, my babe.”

  CHAPTER 8

  Alexis

  I wasn’t sure if I was about to deliver good or bad news.

  There was no way I could please them all. Sympathy, empathy by any means was what I needed. I had to live with my decisions. I was in this conspiracy alone. Me. Myself. And I.

  To show up at Spencer’s without calling. To pull out Charlotte’s hair. To put myself in a position where another woman hated me so much she could’ve killed me. The time had come to face my demons. Wasn’t certain how those closest to me would treat me after they heard what I was about to say.

  Charlotte was right. I was a ho. Not the kind she’d thought. I’d never spread my thighs or licked a pussy without a purpose. I was a control whore. Pathological liar. I was mentally, physically, and financially abusive. I was my father’s daughter. I was guilty of being those things because of him. My mother.

  God made me special. If no one else would forgive me for my sin, He would.

  He was the only one who knew my secret. I was never pregnant.

  I’d been upstairs in my loft waiting to confess to everyone who was downstairs. A few more people needed to arrive.

  Getting to know my dad for myself was necessary if there was any chance of changing my manipulative behavior. I texted my dad, Come over to my house now. I need you.

  He replied right away, What’s your address? Three months after having met Conner, I’d never told him where I lived. Didn’t want to betray Spencer. Yeah, my brother took me to emergency but before Charlotte kicked me in my stomach, he’d sided with her. It was time for me to confront everyone. A sharp pain jabbed me in the stomach, causing my teeth to clench.

  Rolling onto my back, I texted my location to him along with the gate code and where to park. Had only seen him once the day we’d met at my mom’s. We’d texted a few times afterward. He might as well come over, too, so I didn’t have to give the same speech twice. He hadn’t done shit for Spencer or me. Figured he could make it up to his unborn grandchild by financially supporting us. Had to admit. I wanted to change, tell everyone I’d lied. But I wasn’t ready for all that, knowing I could benefit royally from letting them believe I was having a baby.

  My rent was almost due. Somebody had to pay it. The old, rich men I used to entertain, like Goldie’s seventy-something husband, Buster, I refused to backslide to shaky hands.

  Recovering in my bed from the maniac’s attack, I thumbed through my Instagram. Ebony had gone ham on social media hyping up her photo shoot tomorrow for #sscatl. The beat on her face was brilliant. I snagged her makeup artist IG @alleyezongg. That should be me boasting. No, I claimed it. One day that will be me.

  I whispered, “Whatever, bitch.” That was meant for Charlotte. I’d better not see her ass anywhere. Spencer had begged me not to press charges. Said I’d be implicating myself.

  I heard my brother’s heavy footsteps coming up the hardwood stairs to my loft.

  “I just let your mom into the garage. She’ll be here in a minute,” he said, standing beside my bed.

  Blake was the only person I didn’t want involved. I’d sworn my sisters to secrecy. The only way my mother knew about my pregnancy was if Spencer told her.

  “Why did you invite her when I told you not to?”

  “Because she gave birth to you,” Mercedes said loud enough for me to hear. “When are you coming down here? We’ve been waiting on you forever. I’m about to leave, lil girl.”

  My cell rang. It was our dad. I buzzed Conner in. “Leave,” I told her, staring at Spencer. “I didn’t want you guys to come over here anyway.”

  I heard Devereaux say, “She’s ungrateful. I could’ve been with my man.”

  I’d stayed away from the rail in my loft. They could hear me but hadn’t seen me. My arms and legs were unmarked. My face and stomach were a hot mess. I’d covered my facial bruises best I could with foundation.

  I swear if I ever saw Charlotte, I was going all in on that chick without notice.

  Spencer defended me against Mercedes. “I only wanted Alexis to tell you guys once. She’ll be down in a few.”

  “Tell us what?” my mother asked after letting herself in.

  Spencer asked me, “You ready?” He mouthed, “I love you, Sis. Your makeup looks great.”

  Holding back tears, I eased out of bed. I looked at him, then whispered, “I don’t know why they have to know. The fight was no big deal.”

  “I got you,” he said, holding my hand. “Let’s go.”

  I paused between steps. When I turned the corner into my living room, Mercedes, Devereaux, Sandara, my father, and my mother stood holding her new dog on her shoulder like he was a baby. Who I didn’t expect to see was James and Chanel.

  Narrowing my eyes at Spencer, I shook my head. “You wrong chick.”

  “You wrong man.” He shifted his eyes from me to our father. “You know I hate his ass.”

  Conner commented, “The feeling is mutual, Spencer.”

  My mother approached us. Gave Spencer a one-arm hug first, then motioned toward me. I backed away, shook my head.

  “Max is cute,” I said, then walked passed her. I squeezed in between my allies, Mercedes and Devereaux. Mother sat in a chair.

  I was quiet.

  Mercedes spoke first. She looked at me, touched my chin, then smeared my foundation. “Well, Mr. Big Stuff. Stop wasting our time, girl. I see somebody finally stood up to you. I know you didn’t call us here for that.” Sarcastically, she asked, “You and Spencer getting married or what?”

  Wow, I was all the way wrong about her being on my side.

  My mom stood from her armed chair, held her dog across her forearm, squinted at Spencer. He rattled his head.

  “You okay?” Chanel asked me. “What’s this about, Alexis? Marriage?”

  “Yeah, what? Are you calling off our engagement?” James asked.

  Twisting my lips to the left, those two, make that three including Blake, were not supposed to be here. At this very moment I hated Blake more than before. Her inviting James and Chanel was inappropriate. What had Spencer told my mom?

  “This is fucked up.” I stood, headed toward the stairs. Regardless of what I said, everyone was going to view me as the tramp. Not my mother.

  Spencer blocked me. Escorted me back into my living area. “You want me to tell them?”

  My eyes scrolled the inside of my lids. Opening them, I stared at my mom, then nodded at him. “Yeah, why don’t you do that.” That way I wouldn’t have to tell another lie.

  “Sis,” he said, holding my hand. “She’s your mom. It’s our family.”

  “Get to it, boy!” Mercedes shouted.

  Best for me to remain quiet. I was kinda sad that they could tell I’d been in a fight and nobody cared to ask me what happened.

  “Spencer,” Mercedes boldly stated, “you’ve got two seconds. If I get up, I’m leaving.”

  Spencer said, “My sister is twelve weeks’ pregnant.”

  Mercedes said, “That’s it. We know that already.”

  Mom stared at Mercedes. She scanned to Devereaux, who nodded. Finally, Sandara hunched her shoulders, then said, “It’s true, Mom.”

  “He’s lying,” my mother said. “So who kicked your ass? The woman, or man, that you slept with?”

  It was quiet. The eerie kind of silence in a horror movie filled my head as I imagined strangling my mom.

  Chanel was the only one crying. She came to me. Opened her arms to embrace me. The only reason I’d let her was in hopes of gaining empathy from the others. I didn’t hug her back. I was numb.

  Spencer continued. “I had to take Alexis to the emergency room earlier. There was an altercation, as you all can tell.” He eyed Conn
er. “No, I did not put my hands on her. I’m not a woman beater like you.”

  Conner remained silent.

  My mom retorted, “I know who kicked her butt. Charlotte assaulted her. Probably more like Charlotte was defending herself from what I’d overheard on the phone. Whatever, Spencer. Get on with it. I have to take my baby shopping,” she said, kissing her dog on the forehead.

  James stood, balled his hands into fists. “Tell the truth, Alexis. Did Spencer lay hands on you and you guys are trying to cover it up?”

  “No, James. Please, sit down. This is difficult for me.”

  “For you?” my mother mumbled.

  James said, “Alexis, why are we here? Why did your sisters know about the pregnancy and I didn’t? Why this gathering of the whole family? Why—”

  I shouted, “Shut the fuck up, James!” Lowering my voice, I asked him, “How’s your fling thing, Mz. LA doing? Flying her in anytime soon?”

  My mom stared at Spencer. “I knew you two lied to me. I didn’t want to believe it, but I felt it in my gut.”

  “Lied about what?” Chanel asked, sitting next to James.

  In my perfect world, I could have my guy and my gurl. Since they showed they cared about me, having a baby might be what I really need to work it out with both of them. If James’ and my relationship survived this fiasco, I could have his baby.

  Spencer said, “It’s a girl.”

  That was another lie I’d concocted. People are more sensitive to mothers carrying a girl. I touched my stomach. The first fake tear fell.

  My brother added, “Thanks to you, Dad, yes. Yes, it’s feasible that the fetus is mine.”

  Conner said, “What the hell do I have to do with whom you’re fucking?”

  “Shut the hell up, old man?!” The veins in the side of Spencer’s neck bulged. “If your ass would’ve done the right thing—”

  Shaking his cane, Conner lamented, “Don’t raise your voice to me, boy! I’m still your father. This is Blake’s fault! Not mine!”

  “Don’t blame this shit on my woman! What you wanna do? I don’t need a reason to whup you up and beat you down like you did my mom. Make a move, old man. I dare you!”

  James interrupted, “If Alexis would’ve done right by me . . . wait a minute. You fucked your brother? That’s some sick disgusting make me want to throw up shit.”

  Conner said, “James, calm down. Spencer is right. It is my fault. They didn’t know they were related, but I did.”

  “No disrespect, Conner, but fuck that. That’s the problem. Everybody always comes to Alexis’s defense. Who the hell do you fight for?” he asked me. His eyes were filled with tears. His voice lowered. “We’ve been engaged for two years. I can’t do this. Where is my ring? You don’t even wear it.”

  Fuck James. His cheating ass wasn’t innocent. I asked him again, “How’s LA?”

  Calmly, he nodded. “Better, now.”

  “You guys are engaged?” Chanel asked. “Where’s my ring, Alexis?”

  Ignoring Chanel, I stared at James. “Ask LA where’s the ring you bought her. Don’t forget I saw her naked pictures and sex texts in your damn phone! You started this! It doesn’t matter where my ring is. It’s mine!”

  “I’ll do that text to LA,” James said, tapping on his cell.

  My mom stepped to me, raised her hand to slap me. Spencer grabbed her arm. “Blake, don’t. This is not completely her fault. Things with us haven’t been right since I found out Alexis is my sister, and you and I know this.”

  “Wait, so you’re penetrating the mother and the daughter,” James said. “I’m out.” He stood at attention like a soldier but didn’t take a step.

  Wasn’t sure who was in shock the most right now. Mercedes gave a slow side to side with her head. “I knew one day your deceptive ways would catch up. But I swear you have nine lives, Alexis. Everyone in here is mentally screwed, except you.”

  “How can you sit there and say that? Alexis almost lost the baby,” Spencer said, protecting me once more from Mercedes. “That’s why I wanted you guys to come over. So you’d know she needs us to support her, not to judge or attack her.”

  “I need to get home to my family. Can we move this forward? What are you going to do, Alexis?” Devereaux questioned.

  “Keep it,” I said.

  “You can’t,” Mercedes said. “If it’s by Spencer, your DNA is too close. The child is going to be deformed.”

  Sandara spoke for the first time. “You think you’re so smart. You don’t know that, Mercedes.”

  “What you don’t know, Alexis, is if it’s mine?” James asked. “You’re the worst. I’m out for real.” He made his way to the door, didn’t open it.

  Spencer said, “Now that everyone knows, everybody can leave.”

  “So you fucked her last night? Is that why you didn’t come home?” my mother asked. “Or did you screw Charlotte. Maybe y’all had a threesome, huh?”

  Calmly, Spencer replied, “No, I did not.”

  “Then where were you?”

  It was time for me to return the favor to my brother. “The only reason you’re not in my position, Mother, is because your scrambled eggs are fried.”

  Conner laughed so hard he leaned on his cane. “You got that right.”

  Spencer stared at me. My mother’s brows drew close together. Her eyelids narrowed almost to a close. The dog was cute. Glad she had a living animal occupying one of her hands or I was certain all of her fingers would be wrapped around my neck.

  “You’re cheating on me?” Spencer asked my mom.

  My mom questioned, “How did you get my cheating from what she said?”

  Now she was in the spotlight. I told her, “Tell my brother who gave you that dog.”

  Max growled at me. My mom’s lips curved up a little.

  Mercedes commented, “Max seems to be a better judge of character than you, Spencer.”

  Ignoring her, I continued. “And tell Spencer how you spread for Billy Blackstone on your fiftieth birthday.”

  Mercedes glanced up at the ceiling. “Lord, Jesus. Forgive that lil girl, for she knows not a thing about respect or discretion. Alexis, I did not confide in you for you to throw this in our mother’s face. You have no conscience.”

  Devereaux hung her shaking head. Sandara looked at the door. My mother stared at me.

  I didn’t care who stayed or left. “I just decided. I’m having an abortion.”

  “You can’t kill my granddaughter,” Conner protested.

  Perfect timing. This was my opportunity to win over my father’s wallet. “I can’t afford to keep her.” To add effect, I started crying. “You want to raise her, Daddy? Huh? Just say so and I’ll sign the adoption papers today.”

  “Good decision,” my mother said. “Have two abortions. One for Spencer and one for James.”

  “I can’t let you do that knowing it might be mine,” James said. “I’ll be here for you. I’ll call you later,” he said, leaving this time.

  “You’re doing the right thing, Alexis,” Mercedes said. “Get rid of it.”

  “Have the baby, Alexis. I’ll help you raise her,” Chanel said. “We can have the family I’ve always wanted.”

  “I’ll support whatever you want, Sis,” Devereaux said. “But seriously, I’ve heard enough. I have to go.”

  “Me too,” Sandara said. Giving me a hug, she left with Devereaux.

  “We’ll get through this as a family,” Conner said. “Text me your bank account information.”

  My mother howled, “Whoo!”

  Conner ignored her howl. “I know you guys hate me. You have every right to. I’ll financially support you and my granddaughter. I’m going to contact my attorney soon as I leave here and have him make some changes to my trust. And I’ll send him an email. That’s the least I can afford to do for you Alexis. Can’t take my money to my grave,” he said. Then he looked at my mom, “Blake, find someone your own age and leave my son alone.”

  That was the firs
t thing I’d heard all night that made me laugh.

  Conner gave me a hug. When he motioned to embrace Spencer, my brother held up his palms, stepped back. “Fuck you man.”

  The only person who hadn’t expressed his desires, I already knew what his wishes were. Spencer wanted me to have the baby.

  Turning away from my mother, I left her with Spencer and her dog, then went upstairs. Those two could let themselves out of my place.

  I heard Chanel ask, “Can I come up, Alexis?”

  Sex always made me feel better. I needed someone to hold me. I told Chanel, “Yes.”

  Right now I needed a lover and a friend. Spencer couldn’t fuck me. If he stayed, he could watch the girl-on-girl action. Then he could do Chanel and I could watch them.

  My night might not end badly after all.

  I called out to my brother, “Spencer, we need you.”

  CHAPTER 9

  Blake

  “You’ll never get this dick again.”

  Boo. Hoo. I picked up my Yorkie.

  Spencer’s best decision would’ve been not showing up at my house after watching me walk out of my daughter’s apartment yesterday. Last night he wasn’t here. This morning he strolled in all casual.

  “Really, Spencer? You and your dick could’ve stayed wherever you were last night. You come at the break of dawn talking mess to me. You can get out of my house.” I put Max in his pen, gave him a toy.

  Our being in my bedroom was uncomfortable for me. He sat at the foot of my bed. Thoughts of us spooning, his making love to me every night, then again in the morning made me weak. I did not want to start over hoping to find a man to call mine. Yet, there was no way I could move forward with this one.

  He sat there wearing loosely fitted sweatpants, no underwear. The black Nike shirt with “We Run Atlanta” hugged his firm abs. The caramel smooth skin, square chin, full lips, and captivating dreamy eyes I’d fallen in love with had transformed into a complete asshole.

  “How dare you have the audacity to tell me what I’ll never get knowing you’re the one at fault.” Staring into his face, I didn’t want his beautiful, young, hard dick or him. Spencer was just like all the rest of these men in Atlanta. “You’re a male whore.”